For most guys, the bedroom is probably the one place you don’t want to finish first. S3x experts (and, we assume, you) agree that nothing makes a guy feel more insecure than coming up short when it matters most. So if you’re plagued by this S3xual shortcoming, relax—there are numerous ways to boost your S3xual endurance and last longer in bed.
“All men have their own extending technique, from thinking about football or baseball or counting backwards in their heads,” says A.L. Harper, a S3x expert and former editor of a U.K.-based men’s magazine. “However, these distraction techniques can end up making guys worse in bed because they aren’t paying attention to their partner’s pleasure.”
If you’re curious to find out the real ways to last longer, so you don’t kill the mood for the both of you, check out these tips. We asked three top industry experts to share the advice they give their clients—no Viagra required.
1. Study the Kama Sutra
“There is a technique mentioned in the Kama Sutra for delaying ejaculations that basically comes down to training yourself to last longer,” says Harper. Start slowly—with no more than one “in/out” stroke every three seconds. “Then, add more strokes, slowly, over the course of 4 or 5 minutes, until you’re moving one stroke per second.” If you start to feel like you’re going to come, stop and “hold yourself inside your partner until you feel in control again, then begin the whole process again.”
2. Get out of your head
“Performance anxiety is the number-one killer of erections,” says Patti Britton, a board-certified clinical S3xologist. “Shift your thinking to a more confident inner voice, as opposed to a worried voice.” A “self-debilitating mindset” is what shuts guys down, she explains. “When you begin to feel anxiety, stop, take a breath, and get out of your head—focusing, instead, on the feelings your body is producing for you.”
3. Slow down
“Instead of the fast-paced jack-hammering style that many men are so fond of, try taking your time,” says Toyooka. S3x at a slower pace leads to a more connected experience for both people. “It’s more sensual because you’re caressing and exploring the rest of her body. Kiss her neck, nuzzle her ear, let your hands gently explore her body,” she says. The most important thing to keep in mind that will help you last longer? Enjoy the journey that leads to your destination.